Grand Old Party divided on time

If you watched the latest debate Thursday night, you saw that the questioners were having a hard time getting the candidates to answer a simple question, such as naming their favorite Supreme Court justice.

Here’s how they might answer an even simpler question. What time is it?

Newt Gingrich—”That’s a good question. But you have to look at it in the complete historical context of time. Most of our founding fathers worked without wrist watches and look what they accomplished. Have you read Dava Sobel’s book ‘Longitude’? I mean, it cuts to the core of the complexity and puts everything in a perspective of cosmic proportions.

“As a private citizen I’ve advised people about time but I’ve never tried to influence their opinion on what time it actually is. And I worked with Bill Clinton to bring time down to four and half percent of our working day.”

Mitt Romney—”Look, I’ve worked in both the private and public sectors. When I was governor of Massachusetts I worked with a legislature that was 85 percent Democratic to keep our residents apprised of the time. Now, that was good for the people of Massachusetts. Maybe something else is better for the people of Iowa. Telling people what time it is shouldn’t be the job of the federal government. And if I’m the party’s nominee I’ll make sure this president has a lot of leisure time after next November.”

Ron Paul—”It’s not the government’s job to be in every time zone in the world. The sad fact is we have lost track of time. We should be looking at how we spend our time here in this country. The Federal Reserve created the time bubble. Markets should determine what time it is, not the Fed. We waste time because of the weak dollar.”Rick Perry—”Time? Uh … uh, let’s see. Uh … well, the little hand’s on the three, and the big hand is on the … I think 12 … or Uh … Uh … Oops!”

Rick Santorum: “I’ve been to all 99 counties in Iowa and I know what concerns people. They’re worried about what President Obama has done on his watch and with his watch. He’s gotten the time wrong strategically every single time. This president has gone around the world apologizing for the way we use time, completely failing to recognize American exceptionalism regarding time.”

Michelle Bachmann—”This may be the biggest issue that will impact this election. I know about time because I’m the only one on this stage who has fought President Obama on time. And I can promise you, as President Michelle Bachmann, my first act will be to repeal time.”

 

 

 

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