“He’s running a grass roots campaign” – He has no financial backing.
“We have to break the gridlock in Washington” – This has nothing to do with politics. It’s about the traffic on the Beltway.
“He has a clear vision for our future.” – He’s never held office before so he has no idea of how to govern.
“He won’t back down to the special interest groups.” – Except the ones bankrolling his campaign.
“We’ll reach across party lines.” – Imagine the mayhem both parties can cause if they work together.
“We’re here to serve the American people.” – And we’ll serve them the same swill they’ve been swallowing for two centuries.
“With all due respect to my opponent.” – My opponent is a horse’s ass.
“The fact of the matter is …” – I don’t know what the facts are since the teleprompter isn’t working.
“The bill has support on both sides of the aisle.” – Both parties are scrambling to add earmarks.
“He’s a centrist.” – He blows with the wind and uses his tongue for a sail.
“He connects with the soccer moms.” – Mostly via Twitter
“He just picked up a key endorsement.” – His wife agreed to vote for him.
“That’s just a mean-spirited Republican policy.” – Chris Matthews on “Hardball.”
“That’s the liberal media bias.” – Bill O’Reilly on “The Factor.”
“The mainstream press has ignored it.” – Fox News is looking out for us.
“This is a fishing expedition.” – Wow! Have they got the goods on him.
“He has freely admitted his mistake” – Not only did he get caught with his hand in the cookie jar but icing from the Oreo cookie is still on his lips.
“He has taken full responsibility for his actions.” – Quite simply, he’s run out of people to blame.
“Every vote must be counted.” – And in Chicago we’ll count it as often as it takes to elect our candidate.
“We’ll leave no child behind.” – Your great grandchildren will be paying for our deficit.
“Kicking the can down the road is not an option.” – We’ll do our best to muck things up now.
“He’s his own man.” – Even his mother dislikes him.
“Let the healing process begin.” – Just don’t turn your back on your opponent.
“He has Midwest values.” – He’s for farm subsidies and wants to increase the use of Ethanol.
“It’s a shovel ready project.” – We’ll heap as much manure on the electorate as they can handle.