Only 46 more states to go

It was a great week politically. Ron Paul challenged his fellow presidential hopefuls to a 25-mile bicycle ride. Newt Gingrich accepted if the ride was on the moon. Mitt Romney preferred the ride to be on the Cayman Islands so he can do some banking. Rick Santorum said he was the only candidate who had actually ridden a bike against Democrats and beaten them.

The Republican candidates tripped over each other to show voters who among them is the most like Ronald Reagan. Santorum called Jimmy Carter and said: “There you go again.”

Paul bought a 40-gallon vat of Rogaine to try to grow hair like Reagan’s.

Gingrich tried to date Nancy and Romney tried to get John Hinckley Jr. to wound him.

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer and President Barack Obama allegedly exchanged heated words at the Phoenix-Mesa Gateway airport. A photo showed Brewer angrily pointing her finger in the president’s face.

The truth is Michelle Obama admired the governor’s nail polish when she visited the White House. President Obama was asking her to show him the color so he could pick up the same polish in Scottsdale.

I’m checking out a rumor that an Arizona highway patrolman pulled over Air Force One for having a busted tail light and asked to see the pilot’s green card.

In his State of the Union address, Obama said he would not walk away from the promise of green energy. That is progressive thinking. About a half-billion dollars went up in smoke when Solyndra crashed and burned. A half-billion burning greenbacks. Now that’s green energy!

I love politics because you never know what you’re going to hear. Gingrich was crushed by Romney in Florida, then proceeded to give a victory speech.

Obama, said Bill Donohue, president of the American Catholic League, has gone to war with the Catholic Church — not a good move by the president as he may face the greatest challenge to his re-election — an army of nuns with sharp wooden rulers. Those ladies will turn his knuckles into Silly Putty before he knows what hit him. Obama may be persona non grata at the Lenten dinners at San Carlos Cathedral.

Liberal pundit Lawrence O’Donnell Jr. posted a manifesto on Facebook on why he is proud to be a liberal. He excoriated Republicans for opposing progressive ideas. He didn’t mention that for the 60 years since the ratification of the Constitution, southern liberals threw a hissy fit any time anyone tried to repeal slavery. In 1850, a bunch of northerners got together and organized an openly anti-slavery party. They called it the Republican Party.

In the first Federalist paper, Alexander Hamilton said it was reserved to the people of this country, by their conduct and example, to decide whether societies of men are really capable or not of establishing good government. Had Hamilton witnessed the campaigns of the Republican candidates in Florida, he might have begged England to re-establish the monarchy here.

Only 46 more states to go.

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6 Responses to Only 46 more states to go

  1. Tom Bottaro says:

    Seems like the Herald has relented about publishing your column regularly, but now on the editorial page. Can we expect that will continue?

    • Jerry Gervase says:

      Tom, This is a kind of experiment. There are a couple of reasons why I’m on the Editorial page – #1, the Editor, Royal Calkins wants me to be there, and #2 – the paper doesn’t pay for any editorial page content. I hate to give away my pearls but it accomplishes two things – 1. it keeps my name in front of people (who will hopefully find my website.) 2. if I have any following at all it will keep people reading the paper. Right now there is no schedule to my appearances there. Maybe that will eventually turn into a regular slot on that page. I like to write “edgier” material with a political bent, and this being an election year there is no end to material. I’m trying to be middle of the road because both sides of the political spectrum open themselves up for skewering.
      Thanks for taking time to write.

  2. Barbara Mountrey says:

    I was delighted to see you in the paper, no matter on what page! I look forward to seeing you skewer politicians of all stripes. However, I hope you won’t narrow your field to just national politics, as there are many, many opportunities for satire out there!

    • Jerry Gervase says:

      Barbara, No, I won’t narrow the field to just national politics. Especially since this is an election year. It’s just that right now national politics is what is so vulnerable. Thanks for taking time to write.

  3. Eve M Britton, I says:

    Clark, you crack me up on a regular basis! We have to make a pilgrimage to the Nixon Library with our significant others for some real material. Love, Lois

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