Doing something about gas prices


An automobile trip down the coast to the Avila Beach area for some R&R demonstrated how quickly the $$$ display on a gas pump moves compared to the Gal. indicator. I was at twelve bucks before the needle on the gas gauge shivered and danced off the “E”. My fifteen gallon fill-up equated to a meal for two at a very fine restaurant.

I usually don’t complain about gas prices,  since I have nothing but empathy for those oil company executives trying to eke out an existence on their windfall profits. Like me, those executives are experiencing sticker shock at the super market. Compared to some other products I buy gas prices may even fall into the reasonable category.

Here are some examples. I bought 32 oz. of orange juice the other day for $3.00, or $6.00 per gallon. That last time I checked,  none of the orange juice from California and Florida is shipped through the Straits of Hormuz. So regardless of the threats of that rascally Ahmadinejad,  our supply of OJ isn’t vulnerable.

You can go online at Amazon and buy 48 cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup for $56.36, or roughly $1.15 per can. That means, even at this low price,  you would pay about $6.90 for a gallon of um-um good.

I paid $2.29 for a ½ gallon of milk. That would be $4.58 a gallon, but milk in a gallon jug is usually cheaper, between $3.79 and $4.00 a gallon — for Hi-test. As far as I know,  there are no plans to build a multi-million dollar pipe line from Wisconsin to Monterey to keep the flow of milk going. You don’t have to do any expensive wildcat drilling in unexplored areas to find milk. I think you still just tap into a cow and Bossy willingly empties her udder.

Liquid dishwashing soap is about $6.50 a gallon. Liquid laundry detergent about the same. Imagine if someone discovers that cars would run just fine on Tennessee Sipping Whiskey. Jack Daniels is almost twenty dollars for 750 ml., which puts it at about 95 dollars a gallon. It would cost me more than $1700.00 to fill my tank.

Of course,  the fallacy in my reasoning is the amounts of these products we use. A gallon of dishwashing detergent lasts me — well,  the last one I bought was in the previous century and there is still some left in the bottle.

If I drank as much sipping whiskey as my car drinks gas I probably wouldn’t care what the price of gas is, and both me and the car would need a 12-step program.  I decided to do something about gas prices,  so I called the White House. Surprisingly I got right through to the President.

I told him that exorbitant gas prices were a terrible burden on me and the entire middle class. I told him that with my limited earning skills I had to make difficult choices between buying gas and other essential items such as medicine and Netflix.

He quizzed me about my driving habits and I dutifully told him that I had followed his advice to save gas by getting a tune-up and putting  air in my tires.

“Tough decision, huh?” he said.

“Yes, Mr. President, extremely tough.”

“What’s your decision making process?” he asked. I could hear the pain in his voice because I know being President is hard work.

“Well, sir, I use the Socratic method by focusing on the elements of reasoning in a disciplined and self-assessing way, while keeping my eye on the logical relationship that results from disciplined thought.”

I heard some frantic whispering on the other end of the line. I swear I heard someone say “ask him about his views on contraception.” Finally, the President said, “How would you like to be my new running mate in the elections this November?”

I reached for the sipping whiskey.

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5 Responses to Doing something about gas prices

  1. Deb Schulte says:

    Great thoughts on heavy prices Jerry! You do everything so well. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Tom Bottaro says:

    You jest, Jerry, and of course that’s a much more rational thing to do than tearing out one’s hair, of which you have a lot more than me. There is no end to the targets of ridiculousness in modern America. Should keep you well supplied with column topics for a long time to come….

    • Jerry Gervase says:

      Tom, you’re right. A wealth of stupidity. A reader in Ireland wrote me they pay 9.50 USD for a gallon of regular. A crime.That’s half way to a fifth of Jameson’s.

  3. Jeanne Porter says:

    Love it! So glad I can still read your stuff!

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